Overwhelmed With Sorrow & Joy

I have been sitting here for a while trying to control my emotions and it just seems near impossible for me to stop crying for 5 minutes to write what i'm feeling. Please bear with me. Tonight i found out that our dear neighbor, Tom, passed away. My heart aches, my eyes sting, and yet i have such a flood of happiness overwhelming my heart. I'm not going to use any fancy words or phrases, but i'm going to speak straight from my heart about some things that are very dear to me.

When we moved into our condo we met Tom the very first day. He lived below us and he was sweeping the walks when we showed up. That day, a very special relationship blossomed. He was very elderly, and he lived all alone. His wife died 5 years ago. I miss him so much. Seth and i would take him to the store, and we even had dinner on occasion. He really took a liking to Nicci. When she had her surgery...he prayed for her. I'll explain later why that is so special to us now. We took him to the Outback one night, and he sat and told us all about how he met his dear wife, and how much he missed her. It was special. As time went by we invited him to church. He never came. BUT - Christmas of 2006 Seth was working during our ward Christmas Dinner, so Tom came with me as my date. Note the *picture at the top...Oh how i miss him. He was so much fun, he talked to everyone and i saw a brightness in him i had never seen before. It was soon after that we gave him a Book of Mormon. We wrote our testimony in it and also bore our testimony of our Savior to him in person as well. He asked us some questions later on about it, but due to his elderly age and poor health he was limited in his physical understanding of some things. We had grown extremely close to Tom. He heard Seth & i joking once about how i don't cook, and for like a month straight he made us some dinners...they were the sweetest, most humble, and delicious meals.

My heart aches as i write this... i remember his name showing up on my caller ID when he'd call; i remember seeing him on our walks. I remember talking to him about the gospel, running errands with him, and laughing and crying as he would tell us all about his sweet wife.

We became very close to Tom. Not too long ago, he found a bouncy ball for Nicci. He was so excited to give it to her. He was such a sweet man.
Last week an ambulance came and took Tom to the hospital because he was having trouble breathing.

I watched from my porch as they wheeled him away...i was thinking i would make him cookies for his return. It was the last time i ever saw my dear friend Tom.

I got a phone call this afternoon from Tom's daughter. She found my number on a card we gave Tom not too long ago. She wanted to know who i was. She told me her father passed away. I couldn't control my emotions as my heart was aching and the lump in my throat just kept getting bigger and bigger. I was deeply torn between being happy for Tom, or so very sad for myself. We had a very interesting conversation, one that i will cherish forever.
It was obvious in our conversation that Tom had had some hardships with his family. Lets put it this way...his daughter didn't sound all broken up. She asked me if i was Mormon. I said, YES, why? She hesitated for a moment...then she said that 'Tom had never in his life been a religious man and has never read the bible or anything. But she ran across this "Mormon Bible" on his bedstand and it looked as if Tom had read it...the entire thing. He had written notes on pieces of paper he stuck in the book...all the way through it.' I completely lost my composure. Tom had prayed for our little girl while she was in surgery...he had a relationship with God, and he believed. My heart exploded with emotion as i hit the realization that he actually read the most special book ever written, the Book of Mormon. She proceeded to thank me. She thanked me for caring, for being there for Tom, and for simply seeing a man she had never seen. No one in the family had talked to him,... in a very long time. I told her all about the Christmas dinner he was my date to...and about his love for Nicci. She hesitated once again...and then she brought up the Book of Mormon again. She said her 14 yr old daughter wanted the book, for some reason it was special to her. Wow.

I want to bear my testimony of this amazing gospel. Jesus Christ, our Savior, Lord, and King died for us, ... for YOU. He died so that the mistakes we make here on earth can be erased, forever. He forgets them. He guides us. He is so aware of our each individual needs! He loves us. When i say He loves us, i mean, with a love that is completely UN-comprehendable to each of us. I think about a "mother's love" and how His love is even stronger than that. I have such a love and testimony of the temple. It binds us together, forever. FOREVER. Despite the mistakes and even sins that we have committed here on this earth we still have an opportunity to repent and live with our families forever. It's such a profound and beautiful concept. Right now, Tom is with his wife. Right now, Tom is being taught the true gospel of Christ. He is being faced with the decision to accept it or to reject it. I know he'll accept it. I know in my heart that if it weren't for his physical limitations he would have been baptised. Even though he didn't discuss the Book of Mormon too much with us, he experienced something even more important. He felt the spirit bear witness to him of the truth as he read the words of our Lord and Savior. I know he did. He wouldn't have read the entire book otherwise.

I love my Savior. I love the real love that He has for each one of us. I saw the hand of God work in the life of this elderly man. It was beautiful. It was overwhelming. It was sacred. It's hard for me to use something as simple as words to express the experience i had with the the Savior and my wonderful friend Tom. I miss him so much it hurts. I loved him dearly. However, i am filled with an even greater peace and love that he is now in a better place. He is being taught the gospel, he's with his wife, and he's out of pain. I love my Savior. I love this gospel. I can't wait for the day i can give my friend Tom a hug and tell him how very special he was to me and my family.

Reach out to your neighbors. Every single one of them. If we don't, we are missing out on experiencing and loving the divine spirits who we call brother and sister.

I'm really going to miss Tom, he was a very special friend.